Vivienne Cowburn | 07 June 2018

Shark
You have an unhealthy addiction to chicken wings and your secret talent is the ability to quote every line from Mean Girls. Which is pretty fetch, if you ask me.

Otter
You stopped shaving your legs about a month ago and you’ve told literally everyone you know about how awesome it is. And every time you see a cat video on Facebook, you share it so that everyone else can see it too.

Whale
Everything that’s happening to the environment really concerns you, but you feel bad for not already buying a KeepCup or a stainless steel straw. You only used one plastic bag last week and it made you feel really guilty.

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Seahorse 
People are intimidated by you because you don’t seem approachable and you’re very motivated towards achieving goals and perfection. While there’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want in life, it’s good to loosen up. Maybe start using pink sticky notes or spinning around in your swivel chair to spice things up.

Clownfish
While you like to believe that you’re able to ‘go with the flow,’ your nail polish chipped during your best friend’s wedding and you burst into tears. And you ended your last relationship immediately when you found out that he didn’t like avocados.

Dolphin
People really love your sense of humour and eccentric charm. You can be the life of the party, but you also have a deeper side. People don’t talk to you enough about your opinions on climate change or what you think of Brexit.

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Turtle
Your shoe collection is getting out of control but there’s no way you’re going to part with any of it. People will have to pry your Jimmy Choos from your cold, dead hands.

Sea cucumber 
You’ve thought about going vegan, but the idea of finally saying goodbye to cheese scares you. Halloumi has always been there for you and you have even considered naming your daughter ‘Brie.’

Seal
You’ve gotten into many heated debates where you insist that dogs are the best kind of pet and that Android is better than Apple. But when your Golden Retriever loves you unconditionally, who needs human friends?

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Octopus
How anyone can get anything done without drinking 3 cups of coffee is something that confuses you. You’re definitely depresso without your espresso.

Mermaid
Reality is for losers. There’s a tattoo on your shoulder blade that says ‘take the road less travelled,’ but you’ve never been anywhere further than Byron Bay before.

Narwhal
Every show that you watch on Netflix is the BEST THING EVER, and you make sure to tell everyone you know that it is the BEST THING EVER. Also, you don’t talk to people who don’t watch Game of Thrones because you don’t have time for plebs. 

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